The Mother of all Knowledge

I was thinking the other day - when my kids were getting mad at me because of something I'd forgotten to do - that I'm pretty sure I know why I have such a hard time remembering things. Aside from "mommy brain" (an actual condition for pregnant women - which I personally think extends well into the child's second year) here are a few things mothers are required/expected to know off the top of their heads, in relation to their children only, not other aspects of life:

*Friends - this includes, but is not limited to: their names, parent's names and phone numbers (if you're intelligent enough to decipher the code when the number they give you contains upwards of 16 digits, and contains all the local area codes within 400 miles), and where they live. This is one reason my kids never go to friends houses.

*Stuffed animals - all their names and where they got them from (especially the ones from Santa. If you forget and say that you bought them that animal when in fact it was Santa . . . you're screwed.) And if you're kids happen to sucker you into getting the more expensive animals with website codes . . . again, good luck! Which leads me to my next point . . .

*log-ins!!! - curse the stupid username and password for every. flippin'. kidsite!  Its hard enough to come up with different, non-hackable passwords for my own stuff but when I have to remember all the kids' crap its too much. Most of the time if they come across a new website I just say forget it, pick a different game site. The schools have websites that they track the kids with and each kid has a username and password for each site. . . . and they're never the same.

*Sizes - when kids are not in school yet its not so bad because they are usually with you when you do your shopping. As soon as kids get in school, moms take every advantage of shopping with one less child. You must, therefore, remember their shirt size, pant size, and shoe size. If you have more than 2 or 3 kids this is difficult, especially when they move up a size every 2 months, like mine.

*scars/marks/shots - Seems odd, but yes, my kids want to know where every single mark on their bodies came from and the story that goes with it. The same applies to myself or their dad. And then you occasionally have to remember their entire immunization history, especially when you show up at the doctor's office without their shot records.

*You must remember all their activities and school schedules. Enter the iPhone calendar, every mother's dream. Don't ever leave home without your phone. Ever!

*favorites - favorite color, favorite song, favorite person, favorite movie, etc. Its amazing how often this comes up in conversation. When you make mistakes you're met with sassy comments like "Mo-ooom! You know that's not my favorite! Gosh, you never remember ANYthing!"

*food - my boys are easy. 5 nights out of the week they'll sit down for dinner and say "Oooh, this is my favorite." Tanner is really good at remembering what everyone likes on their tacos or pizza, or who likes their rice on the side (with or without soy), etc. I dish everyone up the same because a.)I made it b.) I don't care what they feel like c.)they're eating it anyway. And then I get whining alllll through dinner. "You know I never have sour cream on my tacos!!!!" Bla, bla, bla ....  (guess who this usually comes from)

*school knowledge - you MUST remember everything you learned in school, way back to whatever grade your child is in at the moment. And you have to remember it the way teachers are teaching it today. Whilst helping your child with homework they will make you feel like an idiot, no matter what the subject, because they're 7 (or 8 or 9) and they know everything. Therefore, you must be a step ahead of them at all times.

*life history - this goes without saying and most moms do remember the milestones in their children's lives. But as the older ones get older, and younger ones pop out, moms tend to focus on the babies and forget things about the older kids. Like, when they went on their first plane ride, or lost their first tooth, or the name of their kindergarten teacher, or what team they played on in T-ball. Just when you've shuffled a bit of knowledge to the back shelf in their timeline they want you to pull it out again and hit refresh.

So it really isn't any wonder that occasionally moms forget to pick up their kids on early days, or take them to practice one day, or 3 years slips by before you write in their journal, or that we always have that feeling like we're forgetting something.  I feel really bad for mom's who work and have to remember a whole set of completely unrelated data. I don't think I have the brain capacity for that.

I know I had more on my mental list but I can't remember what they were . . .


Seriously though, I didn't just write that to be funny. I'll probably think of it when I wake up in the middle of the night to pee. But then I'll forget again by the time I wake up tomorrow morning.

My husband is a great dad and probably knows/remembers 10 times as much about his kids than most dads do. But still, I'm pretty certain if I died the family would fall apart. I always think about when kids go missing and you see posters "Last seen wearing ________". I would totally fail that test. I can't remember what I was wearing today 10 minutes after getting into my pajamas, let alone what each of my kids was wearing.